Back to the Basics...

I wanted to share some things I've been learning lately. I was talking with a few girls at SWITCH last night about how I wished my blog had profound teachings and lessons in it that could inspire, motivate, and encourage. But...truth be told...it's not. haha. However, the Lord has been teaching me SO Much lately through His Word and other people in my life, that I couldn't hold back. So if anything in this encourages you, give HIM all the glory- HE has been my teacher!

First of all, it has NOT been easy. I have struggled my whole life with insecurity...mainly- people pleasing. Those of you who know me well, know this is an on-going battle for me. So I finally got FED UP recently with feeling like I'll never move past it, or even grow a little in this area. So I sought help...from many many people/sources/passages, etc. Here is a little bit of what I've learned.

1.There is a difference in facts and truths. Facts may be what we see in the mirror that day, but they are NOT, however the truth- ONLY how GOD sees us is the truth. This is something I had to search His Word to find out- read Psalm 139 several times if you want a wake up call about how special and wonderful you are to your Maker!

2. What I was focusing on (what people thought of me) was keeping me from true meaningful relationships. I would walk in a room and think "what do these people think of me"....when who am I thinking about??NUMBER ONE....being selfish, self centered, and very prideful. I have to GET MY EYES OFF ME and look for the needs in other people's lives.

3. I must say NO to the good, and YES to the BEST. I can't be such a people pleaser that I neglect time with my husband. He is my #2 (Second to God only), and NOTHING should take priority over my time with him!

4. When I believed the lie of "people would like me more if I was more like _____", all I had was "freedom envy" (spoken to me by Anna Light).  I envied those women I saw who had found freedrom...only in Christ, and I wanted that! Anna Light also put it in such a clear way for me- that I make an excellent Kathleen (because that is WHO GOD MADE ME), and would make a terrible ______. (whoever I happened to be jealous of)

5. Yes, my jaw may hurt the rest of my life. Yes, it may hold me back from a few things, but maybe...just maybe God is teaching me to JUST LISTEN. SHUT UP and stop talking so much, and listen to the words and needs of other people. Once again...get my eyes OFF of Kathleen! (when i started trying this more...the pain that came FROM talking and smiling so much lessened significantly!)

6. I must give myself some grace to be imperfect. There is a passage in Hebrews that basically says (in the Kathleen paraphrase) that when we compare ourselves BY ourselves, we are without understanding. wow! So many lies about me not meeting my self-made expectations were controlling me. I started waking up every morning and praying "What do I need to do today to not worry about pleasing anyone but you, Lord?" LIFE CHANGING

7. Time to lay down all the head knowledge!
Growing up in a Christian home and in church all my life I had a lot of head knowledge. However, only about 5% of it was still active in my heart. To get it back there, I had to get BACK TO THE BASICS. Open my Bible fresh each day saying "Lord, what do you have for me TODAY?" Finding out why HE CHOSE me to be here, and knowing that my #1 goal is to fall more in love with Jesus each day was the most freeing thing ever!

8. BE. not do.
I need to see every single, even mundane task, as an opportunity to worship Him. He wants me to BE HIS CHILD, not DO lots of good things in order to gain good "Feelings". I have to daily ask myself- in doing this, what would my motive be. Will this be to glorify God, or am I looking for glory from man?

9. I am God's and I am Ryan's. There is no guilt in being God's child and Ryan's wife ONLY. I can not and will not be able to please everyone! ever. period. (man I wish I could always believe that!)
My only purpose today is to love God and love my husband. As I fall more and more in love with Jesus, my marriage will be dramatically changed. As I work on ME, and get my eyes off fixing other people (yes at times I try this with my husband- haha dont we all ladies), God will teach both Ryan and I separately which will in turn draw us closer together.
*Picture a triangle. God is the top point, you are at one side of the base, your spouse is at the other. As you grow closer to God, you grow closer to each other. (this is our favorite analogy for marriage)

So...
All of that to say...time to get back to the basics. Loving God, without any head knowledge, starting fresh in my walk with Him, and learning one day, one minute, and one second at a time what HE has for me!

Like I mentioned earlier,
God has been my true teacher in all this, but so much of what He is teaching me has come through Anna Light, a dear friend and mentor to me, her mom, Robin Meadows who I have the pleasure of being mentored by weekly, my own mother and my role model- the Godliest woman I know, and many other close friends!

After meeting with Robin one day, she had JUST explained to me that the ONLY way to drop the head knowledge was to start over- back at the basics, and fall in love anew with my Saviour, I got in the car to hear this song by Jason Gray:

"More Like Falling in Love"

Give me rules
I will break them
Give me lines
I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathesTo sweep me off my feet
It ought to be

(CHORUS)
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

Give me words
I'll misuse them
Obligations
I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It's gotta be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

It's like I'm falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me
 I hope this can somehow help someone else out there who also struggles with insecurity, people-pleasing, or a chronic case of too-much-head-knowledge. It will be something we can NEVER fully overcome on this earth, but can always strive to be more like Christ and be free'd from!