Back to the Basics...

I wanted to share some things I've been learning lately. I was talking with a few girls at SWITCH last night about how I wished my blog had profound teachings and lessons in it that could inspire, motivate, and encourage. But...truth be told...it's not. haha. However, the Lord has been teaching me SO Much lately through His Word and other people in my life, that I couldn't hold back. So if anything in this encourages you, give HIM all the glory- HE has been my teacher!

First of all, it has NOT been easy. I have struggled my whole life with insecurity...mainly- people pleasing. Those of you who know me well, know this is an on-going battle for me. So I finally got FED UP recently with feeling like I'll never move past it, or even grow a little in this area. So I sought help...from many many people/sources/passages, etc. Here is a little bit of what I've learned.

1.There is a difference in facts and truths. Facts may be what we see in the mirror that day, but they are NOT, however the truth- ONLY how GOD sees us is the truth. This is something I had to search His Word to find out- read Psalm 139 several times if you want a wake up call about how special and wonderful you are to your Maker!

2. What I was focusing on (what people thought of me) was keeping me from true meaningful relationships. I would walk in a room and think "what do these people think of me"....when who am I thinking about??NUMBER ONE....being selfish, self centered, and very prideful. I have to GET MY EYES OFF ME and look for the needs in other people's lives.

3. I must say NO to the good, and YES to the BEST. I can't be such a people pleaser that I neglect time with my husband. He is my #2 (Second to God only), and NOTHING should take priority over my time with him!

4. When I believed the lie of "people would like me more if I was more like _____", all I had was "freedom envy" (spoken to me by Anna Light).  I envied those women I saw who had found freedrom...only in Christ, and I wanted that! Anna Light also put it in such a clear way for me- that I make an excellent Kathleen (because that is WHO GOD MADE ME), and would make a terrible ______. (whoever I happened to be jealous of)

5. Yes, my jaw may hurt the rest of my life. Yes, it may hold me back from a few things, but maybe...just maybe God is teaching me to JUST LISTEN. SHUT UP and stop talking so much, and listen to the words and needs of other people. Once again...get my eyes OFF of Kathleen! (when i started trying this more...the pain that came FROM talking and smiling so much lessened significantly!)

6. I must give myself some grace to be imperfect. There is a passage in Hebrews that basically says (in the Kathleen paraphrase) that when we compare ourselves BY ourselves, we are without understanding. wow! So many lies about me not meeting my self-made expectations were controlling me. I started waking up every morning and praying "What do I need to do today to not worry about pleasing anyone but you, Lord?" LIFE CHANGING

7. Time to lay down all the head knowledge!
Growing up in a Christian home and in church all my life I had a lot of head knowledge. However, only about 5% of it was still active in my heart. To get it back there, I had to get BACK TO THE BASICS. Open my Bible fresh each day saying "Lord, what do you have for me TODAY?" Finding out why HE CHOSE me to be here, and knowing that my #1 goal is to fall more in love with Jesus each day was the most freeing thing ever!

8. BE. not do.
I need to see every single, even mundane task, as an opportunity to worship Him. He wants me to BE HIS CHILD, not DO lots of good things in order to gain good "Feelings". I have to daily ask myself- in doing this, what would my motive be. Will this be to glorify God, or am I looking for glory from man?

9. I am God's and I am Ryan's. There is no guilt in being God's child and Ryan's wife ONLY. I can not and will not be able to please everyone! ever. period. (man I wish I could always believe that!)
My only purpose today is to love God and love my husband. As I fall more and more in love with Jesus, my marriage will be dramatically changed. As I work on ME, and get my eyes off fixing other people (yes at times I try this with my husband- haha dont we all ladies), God will teach both Ryan and I separately which will in turn draw us closer together.
*Picture a triangle. God is the top point, you are at one side of the base, your spouse is at the other. As you grow closer to God, you grow closer to each other. (this is our favorite analogy for marriage)

So...
All of that to say...time to get back to the basics. Loving God, without any head knowledge, starting fresh in my walk with Him, and learning one day, one minute, and one second at a time what HE has for me!

Like I mentioned earlier,
God has been my true teacher in all this, but so much of what He is teaching me has come through Anna Light, a dear friend and mentor to me, her mom, Robin Meadows who I have the pleasure of being mentored by weekly, my own mother and my role model- the Godliest woman I know, and many other close friends!

After meeting with Robin one day, she had JUST explained to me that the ONLY way to drop the head knowledge was to start over- back at the basics, and fall in love anew with my Saviour, I got in the car to hear this song by Jason Gray:

"More Like Falling in Love"

Give me rules
I will break them
Give me lines
I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathesTo sweep me off my feet
It ought to be

(CHORUS)
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

Give me words
I'll misuse them
Obligations
I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It's gotta be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

It's like I'm falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me
 I hope this can somehow help someone else out there who also struggles with insecurity, people-pleasing, or a chronic case of too-much-head-knowledge. It will be something we can NEVER fully overcome on this earth, but can always strive to be more like Christ and be free'd from!

Conway, Maroon 5, Bootcamp, and THE PLAGUE

Well, the title of this about sums up our month! Not necessarily in that order though. What a crazy whirlwind of a month it's been! I haven't even had 2 seconds to update this due to a CRAZY, but very fun schedule we've had!

Truthfully, I'd been waiting to update until I had some good pictures to add, however I've had to come to the realization recently that I just am not the picture-taking type right now. Maybe someday when we have kids, or, to be TOTALLY honest- I think I just don't like ME in pictures right now. I have been working through SO many issues lately with insecurity, and low self-esteem, but I just am not happy with how I look at this point in my life. I know it's ridiculous, but it's a fact. My mentor lately has been helping me SO Much to discern the difference in facts and truths. Fact: I don't like pictures of me right now. Truth: I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God, my husband thinks I'm beautiful, and that's all that matters.

Getting myself to BELIEVE all those things in my heart, and not just my head: another story!Which brings me to another lesson I am learning- it's time to get back to the basics. Stay tuned for what I mean by this in my next blog entry... ;)

Moving on from the picture subject...

I started a Bootcamp October 5th. HOLY.COW. I had NO IDEA how out of shape I was, or HOW HARD this bootcamp would be!!! I think I am definitely the most vocal in our group of girls, because almost daily I call our trainer a murderer. haha. She knows I'm joking of course, but in that instance, I feel like I might die! We started off on day 1 with no mercy....running a mile to "the beach" at Lake Hefner. Now...anytime I mention "THE BEACH", or "THE HILL", just insert an evil laugh, or a very scary-movie-music-moment (DUN DUN DUN). I hear that anytime those phrases are mentioned! We started with different series of running down the beach, and anytime she would say "drop", we would drop and do anything from mountain-climbers, planks, burpees, push-ups, or various other torturous activities. ;) "The Hill" is another fun little spot we run to (while carrying weights) and the run up and down the hill while doing bear crawls, or various other things, and then doing something every time we get to the top of the hill! Good stuff. OH! We also got to push a SUV for quite a ways....I thought it sounded SO fun and easy- I was wrong! :)

Let me just say though- after only ONE MONTH- I feel amazing! This hard work is most definitely paying off! I can already run MUCH farther and faster than before, have WAY more energy, and can even walk the day after a work out! No joke...the first 2 days after "Day 1"...I literally could not walk normally to save my life. Lunges while holding weights (or a large rock over your head) are just not fun. But, for 3 inches off my waist already, Im sticking with this! Ryan and I are even running in a 5k on November 13th- check it out for details: http://theshapeproject.wordpress.com/2010/08/18/city-on-a-hill-run/ It is put on by Melissa Cox, our awesome trainer this past month, and the owner of "The Shape Project."

The weekend of the 15th, we FINALLY got to take the trip I've been dying to take Ryan on since we got married....to visit my old stomping grounds! The beautiful Conway, AR! A good friend of mine from college, Tim Chung, was getting married. Tim and I were 2 of the 3 people who made it to THREE SUMMERS in a row of Kaleo- a 9 week discipleship training program put on by Student Mobilization. What fun and incredible memories we all have of those summers in Silverthorne, Colorado. Of course, I prepared Ryan for NON STOP GOING in Conway....SO many places to see, people to meet, memories to tell, etc. He was A TROOPER. He only made fun of me a few times for pointing out EVERY SINGLE place I frequented while in college, even down to my favorite car wash, and the gas station where I always stopped for coffee on my way to class! It was a WONDERFUL time with amazing life-long friends. Quick overview: arrived late Friday night, checked in at the Hampton Inn (decided on a hotel so we could actually get SOME rest there). Saturday morning I HAD to take him to Stoby's- greatest breakfast ever. He was pleasantly surprised! Then we headed to Little Rock to see my longest friend in AR- the amazing Jessica Knight. She had JUST had her 3rd baby the day before we arrived. We found her walking up and down the halls (completely skinny again) looking as if she was ready to go for a quick run. haha. This girl is incredible- we sat on her hospital bed together watching home videos of her other two kids, and catching up as if we'd had no time apart for several hours. We then headed back to Conway to get ready for the wedding. It was beautiful, and SO fun getting to see all my old college friends again, even if only briefly. We then went to Mike's Place for a wonderful steak dinner with Ashley Shearer aka "favorite" and her boyfriend, William. We had a GREAT time catching up at dinner....then....onto some Karaoke- SO SO SO FUN! Ashley and I are truly kindred spirits and we "Get" each other in a way I can't explain. We danced, we sang, we got to bed way too late, but it was SO worth it! Sunday morning was church at New Life in Conway....where I went all through college. It was SO great to be back there- as if I'd never left, and almost EXACTLY like Life Church, where we go here in OKC. After Church we went to lunch with Cecilia Lambert and her FIANCE Matthew. This girl is all sorts of fun! She was an absolute God-send to me in college. There were things I truly could not have made it through without her prayers, support and encouragement. After lunch with them, we went by the Robnett's- the AMAZING familiy I had the priviledge of nanny-ing for several years in college. I had to fight back tears to see how much the kids had grown up, and once again- catching up with Scott and Rhonda was priceless....they LOVED Ryan which is huge, because they got to hear about many dates I went on in college they did NOT approve of! haha. All in all- it was a perfect trip- I was able to introduce many of my closest friends to my husband for the first time, and re-connect with them which was VERY needed! Ryan actually really enjoyed the trip as well...so much so- he is going BACK with me in January for Cecilia's wedding! :)

2 days after we got home from Conway, was the (drumroll please) MAROON 5 and ONE REPUBLIC CONCERT!!!!! I had been counting down the days for this since June...literally. We drove to Tulsa RIGHT after work Tuesday, went to the BOK center for THE best concert I've ever been to! I will actually have pictures to attach from this! We took Wednesday off to relax, but ended up cleaning house ALL day since we were gone the weekend before.

Now onto THE PLAGUE...aka worst stomach flu ever. I came down with this last Friday night, and was begging Ryan to shoot me I felt so aweful Friday and Saturday. He was amazing- made me chicken noodle soup, gave me foot rubs, bought me every flu medicine in the world, fluffed my pillow, put on my favorite shows. I felt so spoiled, blessed, and beyond grateful for him! Then Sunday...he started coming down with it just as I got over it. So then- MY TURN to be the care-giver. I felt so bad though because I had to go to work Monday and Tuesday and was not able to take care of him the way he had for me! Praise the Lord we are both better today and back at work! This flu has been going around like crazy, and trust me- if you have had it, you know why we call it the plague. Now I will no longer be stubborn and refuse to get my flu shot!

This is the FABULOUS Cecilia Lambert and I on our way to one of many Lake Trips at Greers
Ferry!
She has been my ROCK through thick and thin! Thank God for her constantly!!!

To the Right is Ashley Shearer, aka "FAV" at our wedding reception!
They drove all the way from Conway to be there...and even stayed
with us and wrote down all of our gifts for us as we opened them after
the reception! Love this woman SO SO MUCH! Like I said- a true kindred spirit.

Have you seen a more beautiful family?! This is Jessica Knight and her husband Jacob with their first two- Jaydon and Jacey....Joley was JUST born the day before I saw them so I didn't get a family pic with her just yet!
Jess and I have had more fun times than I can count...oh my goodness I can laugh with this girl! She is a constant source of wisdom, encouragement, and strength for me!




Ok maybe it's a tie for most beautiful family ;) Below are the Robnett's: (from left) Rhonda, Brady, Scott, Jackson, and Abigail. This is truly my Arkansas family. Scott is my Arkansas Dad, but Rhonda is my sister! ha! These children are SO precious and I had the pleasure of getting to watch them three days a week in Conway. I miss them all the time! This family fed me, took me to the ER on multiple occasions (long story), took me to Memphis with them, and listened to every "boy story" I had all through college. I would not have made it without their love and support!

 Here are a few pics from the One Republic, Maroon 5 concert....Yes that pic of Adam Levine below is VERY nice, but- he can't hold a candle to the incredibly handsome man in the picture with me!

 

Below is one pic of BOOTCAMP- this face is saying "Melissa, if you make me hold the plank pose for one more second, I might die.";)